7 Disturbing Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Hits You (And What to Do). 

Can you relate to this story? 

Sarah, a kind and compassionate young woman, had always nurtured the dream of discovering true love. Her fateful encounter with Jack at a local coffee shop proved to be a turning point. 

Drawn to his captivating personality and attractive appearance, they initiated a relationship that swiftly evolved into an inseparable bond.

Initially, their love story seemed flawless. Jack showered Sarah with affection and care, making her feel like the luckiest person on the planet. However, with the passage of time, Jack's behavior underwent a troubling transformation. 

He grew possessive and controlling, exhibiting an incessant need to monitor Sarah's whereabouts and her companions. Moreover, his temper became unpredictable, leading to outbursts of rage whenever Sarah did something that displeased him.

Then came the shocking and horrifying day when, following a trivial disagreement, Jack resorted to violence, striking Sarah. She was left in disbelief and fear, struggling to reconcile the actions of the man she deeply loved.

In an attempt to escape the nightmare, Sarah contemplated leaving him. Yet, Jack implored for her forgiveness, making promises that such behavior would never recur. Sarah, desperate to believe in his words, chose to remain.

Sadly, the cycle of abuse persisted, and Sarah found herself increasingly isolated from her friends and family. She grappled with a profound sense of shame, preventing her from disclosing the torment to anyone. 

Jack ensured her isolation, keeping her away from anyone who could potentially offer assistance. Sarah found herself trapped in a bewildering and painful situation.

Is it normal for my boyfriend to hit me? 

The straightforward response to this question is a definite "No."

While it's conceivable that you may have exerted considerable pressure on him before he resorted to physical aggression, there's no valid excuse for a man to resort to violence against his girlfriend, or vice versa.

If you find yourself in a situation where your boyfriend has either hit you or engaged in physical violence, it's crucial not to trivialize it or assume it's something you can manage on your own. It's imperative to promptly confront him about this behavior.

Should he persist in refusing to change his ways, you may ultimately have no alternative but to distance yourself from him for a period or potentially sever all ties.

7 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Hit You (And Why it isn’t Normal).

If it was an isolated incident, not overly severe, followed by an immediate and genuine apology, with no recurrence, there's a good likelihood that it was indeed a one-time error unlikely to happen again.

However, if the occurrence of physical violence becomes frequent, this is not within the realm of normalcy. In such cases, there might be several underlying factors at play that contribute to this behavior.

It's crucial to emphasize that none of these potential reasons can ever justify a man resorting to violence against you. They are merely factors that might offer some insight into why it could be happening. 

Much like many challenges in life, comprehending the root causes can assist in navigating the situation more effectively.

1. Insecurity. 

Physical aggression from your boyfriend constitutes a form of abuse, often linked to the abuser deriving satisfaction from demeaning their victims. 

It's the power and control over you that can provide a sense of empowerment, and one reason they find it gratifying is because they may have felt powerless in a certain aspect of their life for an extended period.

This feeling of powerlessness might be rooted in past experiences, such as a childhood marked by bullying or an overly domineering and controlling father. As the renowned psychology analyst Carl Jung noted, our suppressed emotions tend to resurface, often in more negative and destructive ways.

At times, a man may resort to violence due to deep-seated insecurities that have remained buried within him for a considerable time. This could be completely unrelated to any traumatic childhood experiences. 

In such cases, the individual may be struggling with personal insecurities and lack of notable achievements in life, seeking to assert their masculinity by using you as an outlet for their insecurities.

An effective method to identify whether his insecurity is the driving force behind his violent behavior is to pay attention to the triggers. 

Does he become agitated when you talk about your accomplishments or react strongly to light-hearted jokes that touch upon his fragile ego? If so, it's highly likely that his insecurity is what compels him to resort to violence as a way to affirm his sense of manhood.

2. He wants to “force control you”. 

Another motivating factor for a man resorting to physical violence is the desire to establish dominance, albeit through force. People employ various methods to exert influence over one another, and the extent to which this influence is exercised can vary.

For instance, certain women may employ kind words or occasionally employ subtle emotional manipulation to persuade their partners to comply with their wishes. Conversely, some men may exhibit controlling behaviors, such as dictating their partner's wardrobe choices or determining her whereabouts.

Physical violence represents an extreme manifestation of this craving for control. Through physical aggression, the aggressor instills fear in the victim, ensuring that the mere sight of their angry expression prompts immediate compliance.

A means of ascertaining that his violence is driven by a need for control is to observe the triggers that set off his anger. Does he suddenly explode in fury when you choose not to adhere to his desires? If so, it's probable that he resorts to violence due to an overwhelming urge to maintain a constant sense of control.

Why does he need this control? It often stems from an inner desire to feel more potent, as he may lack the skills to guide you through mutual decisions and compromises.

3. Anger issues. 

While this explanation doesn't justify the behavior, we shouldn't dismiss it as a potential factor. It's important to acknowledge that both men and women can grapple with anger issues, and at times, his violent actions might be a result of his struggle to find a healthy means of managing that anger.

What are some ways to tell if your boyfriend has anger issues? 

Signs of Anger Management Issues:

Frequent Anger Outbursts: One potential indicator that your boyfriend may be dealing with anger management issues is the recurrence of explosive anger outbursts. 

These episodes may involve sudden yelling, object throwing, or physical aggression. Notably, these reactions often appear excessive in relation to the triggering circumstances and can be challenging to control or de-escalate.

A History of Anger Issues: If his struggle with anger is a longstanding issue, there's a strong likelihood that you aren't the first person he's unleashed his anger upon. He may have displayed similar behaviors with friends, providing insights into his temperamental tendencies.

Difficulty in Emotion Regulation: Individuals contending with anger issues often encounter challenges in regulating their emotions, frequently having a short fuse that leads to heightened irritability over minor irritations.

Challenges in Expressing Emotions: Sometimes, men grappling with anger issues find it difficult to express their emotions in a healthy manner. 

This can result in suppressed feelings, culminating in explosive outbursts or the nurturing of resentment. Alternatively, they may resort to unhealthy outlets for their emotions, including verbal or physical aggression.

Should these indications align with his behavior and you suspect anger management issues, the most constructive step is to encourage him to address and work on these concerns. 

Seeking professional assistance may be warranted in some cases. However, if he resists taking action, it may be necessary to create some distance for your own well-being.

5. He’s frustrated — but is handling it the wrong way. 

Let's be honest, there are instances where women can be quite provocative. While this doesn't excuse or justify any physical aggression from your boyfriend, it's essential to acknowledge that some women can indeed push their partners to their limits.

For example, some women may erroneously believe that it's acceptable for them to resort to violence against their partner, while it's unacceptable for the partner to retaliate. This perspective is fundamentally flawed.

If you've been engaging in behaviors that have been bothering him and expecting him not to respond, based on the misconception that men shouldn't have emotions, it's vital to reevaluate this mindset.

Take a moment to reflect on the moments when he became visibly upset. Were there occasions when you relentlessly pushed him beyond his patience, made hurtful remarks, or disregarded his feelings?

If the answer is yes, it's conceivable that his physical aggression was an ill-advised attempt to silence you. Nonetheless, it's crucial to recognize that this is not an appropriate way to address the issue. 

In such a situation, both parties must commit to self-improvement and work together to resolve the underlying problems.

6. He doesn’t love you. 

Another potential explanation for a man resorting to physical violence is that he may not genuinely love you.

When there's a lack of love in a relationship, it means there's a void in terms of a deep emotional connection between the two individuals. Consequently, even when he witnesses you in distress, it may not evoke any meaningful response from him.

A man who is genuinely in love typically has an instinct to protect, nurture, and lead the woman he cares about, rather than resort to violence.

If he's turning to physical aggression due to a lack of love, you may likely observe manifestations of this in other facets of your relationship. 

For instance, you might frequently sense an emotional detachment and coldness in his communication with you. Additionally, he may exhibit kindness solely when he has ulterior motives or wants something from you.

7. He’s immature. 

Emotional maturity is a prerequisite for effectively handling one's feelings. Engaging in challenging and confrontational discussions that steer clear of physical conflict within a relationship necessitates a strong, steadfast character.

If your boyfriend lacks the requisite maturity, he may struggle to lead you through productive communication and instead resort to shouting and physical aggression.

Should his immaturity manifest through physical violence, you'll probably observe corresponding signs permeating other aspects of the relationship. 

Indications might emerge in his commitment apprehensions, evasion of responsibility, challenges in articulating his emotions, and a reliance on his parents, among other areas.

What Do You Do If Your Boyfriend Hit You? 

When faced with this situation, you essentially have two choices: depart or remain. The dilemma lies in determining which path to take.

Recognize that nobody is flawless. If your boyfriend's act of hitting you was an isolated incident, he may offer a genuine apology for his outburst and ensure it won't be repeated.

However, it's crucial to engage in a candid conversation with him about the gravity of his actions and secure a commitment from him that such behavior will not recur. Additionally, if you played any role in provoking his reaction, it's vital to address that aspect as well.

But what if he hits you out of habit? 

In such a situation, your only recourse is to depart.

When you've already discussed the behavior with him, and he persists in acting impulsively, your primary responsibility is to safeguard yourself. It's evident that he grapples with unresolved issues, and you cannot bear the brunt of his problems.

If he is unable to confront and address his unresolved issues, it's a clear sign that he isn't prepared for a relationship.