8 Things Good Men Never Do In A Relationship.

I'm no expert when it comes to discerning the qualities of a great partner. Like many other women, I've had my share of dating experiences, including a few missteps, before ultimately finding someone truly special.

I once had a relationship with a guy who felt ashamed of my ethnic background. He repeatedly urged me not to acknowledge that part of my heritage and instead emphasized aspects that he found more acceptable. 

I firmly told him I couldn't comply with his request. As a consequence, he didn't invite me to his college graduation, which also happened to fall on my birthday. So, I spent that day feeling lonely and disheartened while my boyfriend celebrated with his family.

In that relationship, he attempted to shape me into a version that suited his preferences. I am confident that no genuinely good man would engage in such behavior. With that in mind, here are some other actions that I believe no respectable man would undertake within a relationship.

A good man will never:

1. Make you feel rejected.

If he pressures you to conceal the facets of your identity that don't align with his preferences, it's a clear indication that he may not be a suitable partner.

For instance, when he says something like, "Don't mention that you are...; my family doesn't need to know that," it's an unmistakable sign of his discomfort with a part of your identity, revealing an essential lack of acceptance for your whole self.

A good and compassionate man will never advocate for the suppression of any aspects of your genuine self. It's common for individuals to navigate challenging phases in their lives, eventually reaching a point of self-acceptance. Therefore, for a man to reject any part of you can be emotionally devastating.

Research supports that such rejection can have detrimental effects on your mental well-being, leading to heightened anxiety and stress. Being in a relationship where you cannot be your authentic self due to these pressures is an undesirable situation that you should aim to avoid.

2. Belittle you.

Building self-confidence is already a challenging endeavor for women, given the myriad societal pressures dictating how they should feel, what to wear, when to start a family, and how to define beauty. A good man will not undermine your self-confidence by demeaning you.

If he resorts to comparisons with other women, disregards and ridicules your ideas, castigates you for your vulnerabilities, and exhibits intolerance even for minor mistakes, these are telltale signs that he may not be a decent and supportive partner.

Remaining in such a relationship can lead to a gradual erosion of your self-esteem and self-worth. There is a marked distinction between a man who genuinely cares for you and gently highlights areas for improvement, and one who systematically tears you down. 

The latter is someone you should consider distancing yourself from. As the philosopher Alain de Botton once remarked, "Intimacy is the capacity to be rather unusual with someone - and discovering that it's acceptable to them."

3. Make you prove your worth.

You are inherently deserving of love simply by virtue of being a human being. There should be no need for you to continually prove your worthiness of love. 

If you find yourself in a situation where you're constantly striving to demonstrate your deservingness of your partner's love, it's a sign that you might not be in a healthy relationship.

You should not feel compelled to work for your partner's love or constantly seek their validation. If you consistently find yourself doing this, it could be indicative of underlying issues related to low self-esteem.

When your self-esteem is lacking, it can lead to a belief that you are not good enough, fueling your desire for your partner's continuous validation. Unfortunately, this vulnerability might open the door for your partner to take advantage of your willingness to go to great lengths to please them.

It's crucial to understand that you are worthy of love regardless of the state of your self-esteem. It's as simple as that. Any man who fails to recognize this fundamental truth might not be the right fit for you.

4. A good man will never abuse you.

I recall a past relationship where, after our breakup, a college friend of mine confided that she believed I had been manipulated and subjected to coercive tactics while I was dating that guy.

She expressed her relief when we parted ways, as she had not felt brave enough to convey her concerns to me while we were still together.

In hindsight, I can see that she was correct in her assessment. The guy I was involved with manipulated and employed gaslighting techniques throughout our relationship. 

Now, as I reflect on that period, there are certain actions I took that I find hard to believe I allowed him to persuade me into doing. Even more disheartening is the fact that I feel a sense of shame for having allowed it to transpire.

The harsh reality is that I had been gradually losing touch with myself and my moral values. That's precisely what abusers can do to a person.

A truly decent man will never resort to intentional physical harm, sexual abuse, coercion, or the use of hurtful language aimed at undermining your character and self-worth.

5. Starve you of affection.

The very essence of being in a relationship revolves around the companionship and affection you share with the person you love. Therefore, experiencing a lack of affection is inherently wrong.

If your partner isn't providing you with the attention, companionship, and warmth that should naturally accompany a relationship, it's an unfair situation, and you undoubtedly deserve better.

6. Disrespect you.

Respect serves as the vital foundation of any relationship, and it must be a two-way street. Your viewpoints, beliefs, emotions, and interests should all hold significance since they contribute to your identity. Consequently, when these aspects are dismissed or diminished, it constitutes a lack of respect.

It's completely normal for partners to have disagreements and differing opinions, but it's essential that these differences are communicated in a way that doesn't involve personal attacks.

Establishing clear boundaries and maintaining open, honest communication with your partner is key. If your boundaries are persistently disregarded, it's a strong indicator that the person you're with may not be the right fit for a healthy and respectful relationship.

7. Hold you back.

Having a partner who affirms, motivates, and inspires you to become the best version of yourself is truly invaluable. Your significant other should ideally act as your biggest supporter, not a hindrance or a persistent voice of doubt, making you feel that success is unattainable.

In the outside world, you likely encounter enough challenges and individuals who cast doubt upon your capabilities, which can be disheartening. Thus, the last thing you need is for the person you love and trust to become an additional obstacle in your path.

A partner hindering your progress may manifest in various ways, including withholding the resources or connections you require to receive support from others. Accomplishing your goals becomes significantly more challenging when you have a partner like this in your life.

If your partner exhibits these behaviors, it's a strong indication that they may not be the right fit for you.

8. Hide you.

A close friend of mine once had a relationship with a guy who never introduced her to his family and friends. He rationalized this by claiming that his friends were immature and he didn't want her to be around them. 

Additionally, he asserted that he wasn't close to his family, hence there was no necessity to introduce her to them.

In her eyes, this guy seemed perfect in many respects, except for this one particular issue. He displayed a reluctance to introduce her to the people in his life, which raised suspicions.

She had a lingering sense that something was amiss, but she never managed to uncover the underlying reason. Eventually, she made the decision to end the relationship.

In many similar stories, the reluctance to introduce a partner to family and friends can be a sign that the person is concealing something, perhaps even engaging in unfaithful behavior or harboring dark secrets. This behavior is often referred to as "pocketing."

Every decent man desires his partner to feel secure and trusting in the relationship. If, instead, he acts counter to this by being evasive, especially when confronted, it's an indication that he may not be a suitable partner.

Such behavior deliberately fosters mistrust, leaving you with unanswered questions and concerns.

While it's often said that good men are hard to come by, knowing the qualities to look for in a good man might make the search a bit more manageable. A good man:

1. Accepts you for who you are.

It's not an intricate concept. Simply remain true to yourself, and any man who cannot accept you for who you are will naturally distance himself from your life.

If he attempts to pressure you into conforming to his idea of an "ideal woman," he's not the right fit for what you're seeking.

2. Respects you.

Reciprocity is key when it comes to respect. If you're extending respect, you should also be on the receiving end of it. A respectable man will honor your opinions, thoughts, desires, and ideas.

Pay close attention to how he interacts with others, such as waitstaff and employees, as it's often a reflection of how he will treat you. The way a man treats those around him can serve as a telling indicator of his future treatment of you.

3. Loves you just because.

He loves you just as you are. You don't need to go out of your way to satisfy him or strive for perfection; there's no requirement to earn his love.

4. He showers you with affection.

A decent man is generous with his affection. He arranges romantic outings, presents you with gifts, and genuinely desires to share moments with you.

5. He motivates you to achieve your goals.

A good man distinguishes himself from others by his commitment to encouraging you to pursue your aspirations. He genuinely cares about your future and provides support through resources, motivation, and valuable connections.

Recognizing that each of us is a work in progress, it's unrealistic to enter into relationships with the expectation of finding a flawless partner. However, certain behaviors are unquestionably unacceptable, and a partner who loves you should never engage in such actions.

To identify what you cannot tolerate, you must first understand your own desires. Determine what lies outside the boundaries of acceptable conduct within a relationship. If a man exhibits these behaviors, it's a clear sign that he may not be the right fit, and it might be time to move on.