How To Be More Social (7 Practical Tips).

Being an introvert does not equate to lacking social skills. In fact, research conducted by Yale psychologists has revealed that introverts not only exhibit higher levels of empathy but also possess a remarkable ability to discern people's true character in social settings.

This video does not advocate for the idea that in order to become more social, one must transform into an extrovert.

Here's what's intriguing: Many individuals who believe they have inadequate social skills do so because they identify as introverts. This perception is largely influenced by societal misconceptions surrounding introversion. 

When we encounter someone who doesn't constantly seek social outings, society tends to label them as peculiar, shy, or antisocial. Over time, introverts have come to embrace the identity that society has imposed on them: "If I'm introverted, then I must be socially awkward."

The encouraging news is that being a social person is not an innate, unalterable trait etched into one's genetic code. It is a skill that can be acquired and refined, akin to building any other skill. 

Once you commit to the process, it gradually becomes an integral part of you, and like mastering any skill, it can become a source of enjoyment.

With this perspective in mind, we present seven practical steps you can implement today to enhance your social interactions and communication abilities.

1. Build Your Self-esteem.

Low self-esteem serves as the underlying cause of social awkwardness. This phenomenon occurs because our actions and body language continually convey messages about our self-perception and the treatment we expect from others.

A 2016 study led by neuroscientist Valentina Paz highlighted that individuals with diminished self-esteem encounter greater challenges in navigating social interactions. This difficulty arises from the inherent fear of rejection that accompanies a negative self-image.

Consider this: Your self-perception manifests in your speech, posture, gait, and even the way you sit or stand. Even without formal training, people possess an innate ability to discern when someone lacks confidence in their worth.

Therefore, cultivating effective social skills commences with nurturing your mental well-being. It begins with acknowledging that you are inherently valuable and worthy. Self-acceptance becomes the cornerstone of this journey. Trusting in your capabilities and recognizing your strengths while embracing your areas of growth is vital.

Why, you may ask?

Because if you fail to understand your own worth, you leave yourself susceptible to external influences defining your identity. When your self-assessment hinges on the perceptions of others, you become overly preoccupied with their opinions and judgments.

When you possess a firm grasp of your own value, social anxiety naturally diminishes, as you become less concerned about external opinions and more focused on your own self-worth.

2. Don’t Feed the Monkey Mind.

Cognitive-behavioral therapist Jennifer Shannon, in her book "Don't Feed the Monkey Mind," offers valuable insights into why many individuals experience excessive anxiety during social interactions. This anxiety often stems from an overwhelming desire to achieve absolute perfection.

These individuals believe they must flawlessly deliver the right words at precisely the right moments and also assume the role of the humorous conversationalist. The "monkey mind," as Shannon describes it, incessantly dictates that everything must be executed flawlessly, or else they are deemed failures.

While everyone experiences occasional setbacks, those who are excessively self-critical struggle to disassociate themselves from their mistakes. They internalize the belief that if they fail to impress friends or partners, they are inherently inadequate.

The outcome of this internal struggle is often heightened tension and anxiety.

To navigate social situations more effectively, it is crucial to recognize that you are not obligated to meet some unrealistic standard in a conversation. You do not owe anyone perfection. 

Conversations are mutual interactions involving two or more individuals, and the responsibility for a positive outcome rests collectively on all participants.

3. Stop Censuring Words In Your Head.

Olivia Remes, a researcher affiliated with the University of Cambridge, sheds light on a common reason behind social anxiety: the tendency to scrutinize and filter sentences in one's mind before vocalizing them.

In essence, individuals often engage in internal self-censorship, pondering questions such as, "Is this the appropriate thing to say?" or "Could this make me appear foolish if I articulate it?" Moreover, they continue to question the adequacy of their spoken words immediately after they've been expressed.

This self-censorship process largely stems from a strong desire to make a favorable impression. Paradoxically, the more one strives to deliver flawless words or impeccable jokes, the more challenging it becomes to achieve this goal.

It is crucial to grasp that an enjoyable conversation is an organic exchange that arises naturally. It flourishes when diverse participants invest themselves in it. It should not be regarded as an opportunity to showcase one's greatness. Instead, view it as an avenue for getting to know someone better or gaining fresh insights and knowledge.

4. Learn to Give Details When You Talk.

If you find yourself uncomfortable when engaging with people in public settings, it's possible that you aim to minimize the time spent speaking during conversations. This inclination may manifest through speaking rapidly or providing brief one-line responses.

However, adopting such an approach can be detrimental to the flow of conversation and may not contribute positively to your conversational abilities.

A more constructive approach involves embracing the art of elaboration. This practice proves particularly beneficial when discussing topics you are knowledgeable about. 

Nonetheless, regardless of the subject matter, cultivating the habit of consistently providing more comprehensive and detailed responses than you typically offer can significantly enhance your conversational skills and create more enjoyable interactions with others.

5. Learn How to Take Action Despite Fear.

Fear is a universal human experience, with everyone encountering it at some point. However, not everyone allows their fears to obstruct their actions. What sets individuals apart in this regard?

The distinction lies in how people perceive and respond to fear. For some, fear serves as a warning sign, prompting them to step back from impending actions. In contrast, others regard fear as a passing emotion, much like any other feeling, which will come and go.

Now, how does confronting your fears relate to improving your social interactions? If you struggle with social anxiety, there's a substantial likelihood that when presented with an opportunity to engage in conversation or join a group discussion, you may experience fear, anxiety, and ultimately withdraw.

It's possible that you've foregone numerous opportunities for interaction due to this fear in the past. However, the undeniable truth is that if you aspire to become more socially adept, you must learn to take action despite this fear.

As psychotherapist Amy Morin, LCSW, elucidates, evading what you fear might provide momentary relief, but it invariably results in heightened anxiety over the long term. Why? Because avoidance signals to your amygdala, the fear center of your brain, that the situation is overwhelming.

Undoubtedly, consistently placing yourself in situations that induce anxiety is no simple task. However, as you are well aware, significant growth rarely transpires without effort. In the grander scheme of things, the rewards of personal growth far surpass the fleeting comfort provided by avoidance.

6. Hone Your Reputation Like An Artist.

How individuals react to your presence in social settings is closely linked to the perception of your reputation, which holds more sway than you might initially realize. People consistently form judgments about you based on readily observable characteristics, subsequently interpreting your actions through the lens of their assumptions.

For instance, if you convey an aura of shyness, timidity, or perhaps an unkempt appearance, the brilliance akin to Albert Einstein may go unnoticed. Frequently, individuals unconsciously project themselves as shy or antisocial even before engaging with others, leading to less-than-smooth interactions.

What you should aim for is to craft your reputation with the finesse of an artist. Cultivate the ability to project an image denoting strength, freedom, and approachability. During social encounters, embrace the act of smiling frequently in the company of others. 

Gesturing with your hands while speaking can also be impactful, as demonstrated in research led by Daniel John, Ph.D., on "The Impact of Smile on Social Interactions." It unveiled that a smile is universally perceived as a signal of warmth, facilitating human interaction.

When venturing into social situations, consider your attire as a means to attract positive attention. After all, people do not possess the ability to peer into your thoughts; instead, they form judgments based on the most conspicuous aspects of your persona. The goal is to make others eager to meet you long before they have the opportunity to do so.

7. Put Your Phone Away.

A study featured in The Journal of Economic Psychology unveiled a significant finding: the use of smartphones during social interactions not only diminishes the quality of the interaction but also results in reduced satisfaction with the time spent conversing with others.

This observation can be attributed to a couple of key factors. Firstly, brandishing your phone during a conversation sends a clear signal that you may not be fully engaged or genuinely interested in what the other person is saying. 

Secondly, as a society, we have developed a propensity to frequently check our phones. On average, research indicates that individuals glance at their phones approximately 150 times each day, which is quite substantial.

To counteract the negative impact of excessive phone usage during social interactions, a practical guideline is to simply keep your phone out of sight. It's important to recognize that the most essential element for a meaningful conversation with someone is your undivided attention.

Sometimes, the success of a conversation doesn't hinge on your wit or humor; rather, it can be greatly enhanced because your unwavering attention makes the other person feel valued and truly heard.

All You Need To Know.

Developing proficient social skills is an attainable goal for anyone, provided there exists a sincere curiosity to embark on this journey.

At its core, this undertaking requires a profound inner readiness to accept individuals as they truly are. It's essential to understand that making others feel judged or scrutinized is counterproductive when it comes to earning their affection or approval.

As Malcome Gladwell concluded in his book, Talking to Strangers,

“If you don’t begin in a state of trust, you can’t have meaningful social encounters.”