How To Create Desire In A Woman.

In her pursuit of understanding the factors that sustain desire in relationships and marriages, the renowned relationship therapist Esther Perel conducted research spanning 22 countries. 

As she delved deeper into her inquiries, a recurring pattern emerged in the responses she received. It became evident that most people experience their strongest desires for their partners when they are in the spotlight, passionate about something, or radiating with their expertise.

Perel's research uncovers a fascinating aspect of human psychology. While the term "desire" is often linked to physical attractiveness, it may not operate in the same manner for many women. Physical appearance can only take you so far in igniting desire.

To truly captivate a woman's desires, you must focus on aspects beyond your physical appearance. Noam Schpancer, a psychology professor at Otterbein College, sheds light on this by emphasizing that "many women seek and highly value a sense of intimacy and emotional closeness in their sexual partners."

1. Understanding Responsive Desire. 

Dianne Grande, a clinical psychologist, highlights that intimacy tends to unfold differently for men and women. While a man can often transition easily from desire to intimacy, this isn't the case for women. As Grande explained in Psychology Today:

"For the majority of men, desire is the initial step towards intimacy... However, for the majority of women, the process begins with arousal, followed by desire."

Creating arousal in a woman might be straightforward, but the challenge lies in progressing from arousal to genuine desire.

Consider this: Many dating and relationship coaches primarily focus on how to arouse a woman's interest. While tactics like playing mind games can indeed generate arousal, they may fall short in cultivating lasting desire.

When a woman finds a man attractive and goes on a date with him, that's an instance of arousal. However, this doesn't guarantee that she will desire to see him again. Why?

The man might have captured her initial attention, but he hasn't been able to spark a deep-seated desire within her. To make a woman genuinely desire you, the key is transitioning from responsive desire to conscious desire.

2. Conscious Desire.

Picture this scenario:

Cynthia connects with Collins on Tinder, feeling fortunate because Collins appeared to be a genuinely decent and attractive guy, judging from his profile picture and their brief chat.

Without any unnecessary delays, they mutually decide on a date and time for their meet-up. Cynthia is brimming with excitement.

On the day of their rendezvous, she adorns herself in her finest attire, all set to meet the charming Mr. Collins. As soon as Collins arrives, he lives up to his profile and even surpasses her expectations. He is tall, boasts flawless teeth, and sports immaculate hair.

However, once they exchange greetings and initiate their conversation, Collins can't seem to shift the focus from himself. He shares anecdotes, often humorous ones, and laughs heartily, without paying heed to Cynthia's reactions or responses.

Now, Cynthia's initial enthusiasm and excitement have transformed into a sense of being put off by the situation.

3. How to Trigger Desire.

Once you have managed to capture a woman's attention, the next pivotal step is making her experience desire. But how do you transition from mere arousal to genuine desire? As elucidated by Dianne Grande,

"Before a woman's arousal transforms into a sense of desire, she must be certain that she is in a safe space."

This safety encompasses both physical and emotional security and holds paramount significance. It doesn't imply shielding her from physical dangers, a concept belonging to the distant past. Rather, it poses the question: Can she truly feel safe in your presence?

For instance, let's consider Collins, our handsome guy. His self-centered disposition conveys much more than meets the eye. From the woman's perspective, it translates into several concerns, including:

He appears needy.

His self-obsession is evident.

He might not prioritize her needs.

Self-serving decisions are likely.

If he's so engrossed in himself, would he be supportive if she were to become pregnant?

His physical needs could outweigh everyone else's.

You get the idea.

4. The Importance of Emotional Safety. 

In her book "Love Sense," renowned author Dr. Sue Johnson delves into the concept that emotional security, stemming from our loved ones, offers us the coveted sense of a secure attachment that we all yearn for in another individual. 

Moreover, when we can place emotional reliance on someone, it grants us the freedom to thoroughly explore the world, delve into our deepest fantasies, and embrace our sexuality in their presence. As social beings, our innate need for such a connection is undeniable and unconquerable. As eloquently stated by Dr. Sue in her book:

"The primary and most fundamental instinct in humans is not sex or aggression. It is the pursuit of contact and comforting connection."

When we encounter love and trust within a single individual, we have stumbled upon something exceptional, and we are compelled to yearn for that person. This forms the cornerstone for igniting desire in a woman.

5. Desire Needs Space. 

Let's revisit the insights from Esther Perel's research. Desire, much like any other precious aspect of a relationship, requires active cultivation. As per Esther Perel's extensive research, desire becomes more intense when we witness our loved one in their element.

Picture yourself as part of an audience, watching your partner perform on stage – it elicits a distinct sensation. Why? You are observing and admiring them alongside the crowd. Even though the person on stage is already yours, you, like everyone else, can experience a renewed sense of desire.

Just as a fire needs air to fuel its flames, desire thrives when there is space for it to grow. It's essential not to smother your partner. In ancient times, men inadvertently created this space by going off to war. 

Today, you can achieve this by pursuing hobbies or dedicating time to personal endeavors. This not only separates you from your partner for a while but also enhances your personal growth and value in their eyes. It's a win-win-win situation.

Remember, desire isn't solely determined by the quantity of time spent together; it's profoundly influenced by the quality of that time.