Why Girls Like Bad Boys, According to Psychologists.

 

As per the insights of evolutionary psychologist Dr. David Buss during his conversation with Jordan Peterson regarding the concept of 'bad boys,' it's observed that women who exhibit a fascination with the dark triad traits (commonly associated with 'bad boys') are typically younger individuals. 

In many instances, these individuals fall within the teenage age group or are women in their early twenties.

This tendency shouldn't come as a shock, as 'bad boys' often exude qualities such as confidence, social status, power, wealth, and sometimes even fame from a distance. 

However, upon closer examination, many women who have been involved with them have encountered traits such as grandiosity, lack of empathy, emotional unavailability, and commitment issues. 

Nevertheless, this does not diminish the high desirability that 'bad boys' maintain for the majority of younger women. Psychologists offer insights into the reasons behind this phenomenon.

1. Status.

To be candid, it's worth noting that many 'bad boys' often possess substantial wealth. Consider the stereotypical examples such as Brad Pitt, Drake, Jay Z, P. Diddy, and those described as the "irresistible rogues" by Kristina Grish in her book 'Addickted.'

These individuals radiate confidence, social status, power, and affluence, and these qualities are indeed attractive to most women. However, the reasons behind this attraction go beyond what one might initially think.

From an evolutionary perspective, most women are naturally inclined to choose partners who can offer protection and support, qualities crucial for survival. A man with elevated social status is better positioned to provide and safeguard her, which are fundamental survival factors.

While not all women are drawn to 'bad boys' solely for this reason, it undeniably plays a significant role. 

As clinical psychologist Jordan Peterson discussed in his conversation with evolutionary psychologist Dr. David Buss, there is a certain mystique surrounding why women seem to be drawn to these so-called 'dark triad traits.' He suggests that they may be viewing these traits as partial indicators of high status.

However, as many women eventually discover through personal experiences, 'bad boys' often prove to be insufficient markers for achieving actual status. Relationships with such individuals frequently reveal downsides like a lack of commitment, self-centeredness, a deficit of empathy, emotional detachment, and grandiosity. 

These are the very characteristics that initially pique a woman's interest but can swiftly become exasperating as she uncovers the true nature of the individual.

2. The Fantasy of Being “the Beauty to the Beast”.

Another factor that draws women to 'bad boys' is their desire to be the ones who can transform or 'tame' them. Why is this the case?

Typically, the average 'bad boy' refrains from committing to any one woman. He exudes high social status, lives life on his own terms, and is the embodiment of what many women dream of. If a woman can succeed in taming a man of this nature, it serves as a testament to her own desirability.

Furthermore, a 'tamed' 'bad boy' can be perceived as a potent force, capable of causing harm to others but choosing not to do so for her sake. Women are often drawn to these enigmatic qualities. 

It's no surprise that Jordan Peterson, in his discussion with Dr. David, likened the relationship between 'bad boys' and women to the tale of Beauty and the Beast.

As he expounded, in the Disney movie "Beauty and the Beast," one of the reasons Belle was fond of the Beast was his potential for transformation through her influence. He possessed the strength to exact consequences on others, yet he harnessed that very strength to safeguard her. In Peterson's words,

"A beast that can be tamed can provide benefits and possesses the capacity to exact costs."

However, as most women eventually come to realize, real life isn't as straightforward as depicted in "Beauty and the Beast." In many cases, a 'bad boy' doesn't cease being a 'bad boy' simply because he enters a relationship with a particular woman. 

This is why many women who have been involved with them often find themselves heartbroken and disheartened.

3. Insecurity.

Many young women are drawn to 'bad boys' because they may lack an internal measure for self-evaluation. For some, the apparent absence of care and emotion from a 'bad boy' is misinterpreted as a sign that he doesn't find them appealing.

Human psychology often leads us to covet what we cannot easily obtain, and this plays into the hands of 'bad boys.' When a girl senses that a 'bad boy' isn't paying her much attention, she may find herself working harder to gain his favor, hoping that finally winning him over will boost her self-esteem. As noted by psychologist Dr. Wendy Walsh,

"Some women, especially those with insecurities, mistake his emotional unavailability for self-confidence. They perceive him as aloof and cool, thinking, 'I'll be the one to make the bad boy love me, and then I'll be able to love myself better.'"

A girl who places excessive importance on external validation may invest her time and energy in attempting to capture the attention of an emotionally distant individual, all the while overlooking those who genuinely seek her affection. It's a regrettable reality, but it occurs frequently.

4. The Random Interval Reward System.

During the first half of the 20th century, the evolutionary biologist Burrhus Frederic Skinner conducted a noteworthy experiment in which he unveiled the concept of the random interval reward system.

Professor Skinner's findings revealed that when individuals receive varying-sized rewards at unpredictable intervals, they tend to become addicted to the positive feelings associated with these rewards. 

This principle underlies the addictive nature of many technological products and video games, and it also sheds light on why some women develop an addiction to 'bad boys.'

As Dr. Wendy Walsh elucidated, a 'bad boy's' emotional unavailability aligns seamlessly with the random interval reward system. For instance, consider going on a date with a 'bad boy' where you both have an incredible time. 

But then, he mysteriously disappears. The exceptional experience on the date leaves you wanting more, while also raising questions about his sudden absence despite the date going so well.

Then, he reappears, and the cycle repeats. This cycle epitomizes the concept of the random interval reward system.

It's important to note that not all women succumb to these mind games; mature individuals often recognize such behavior and choose to disengage. However, there are some who become even more entangled in the pursuit of love from an emotionally unavailable partner.

5. Boring And Repressed Lifestyle.

Psychologist and coauthor of "Smart Girls in the 21st Century," Robyn McKay, has shed light on why girls often develop a fascination with 'bad boys'—especially when they harbor inner, unexpressed desires.

The reality is that most girls are raised and conditioned from a young age to be polite and accommodating. Given our psychological inclination to admire traits we wish we possessed, those girls who yearn for greater self-expression and confidence are likely to find the audacity and grandeur of 'bad boys' immensely appealing.

Additionally, the world of romantic literature is teeming with fantasies involving characters akin to the "Fifty Shades of Grey" archetype. If you happen to be a reserved introvert leading what might appear to be a monotonous life, chances are you may have turned to such literature to conjure the ideal man of your dreams.

Final Words.

Many women may entertain the fantasy of entering into a committed relationship with a 'bad boy,' but in reality, this occurrence is quite rare. The idea of being the person who can transform an emotionally distant and commitment-averse individual is largely a figment of the imagination.

While it's common for most women to go through the emotional upheaval of being involved with a 'bad boy' before they come to realize what genuine, mature masculinity looks like, this doesn't have to be the norm.

You deserve to be with someone who doesn't engage in manipulative mind games, someone who wholeheartedly makes you feel cherished and loved. The truth is, you don't need the complexity of mind games and drama to add excitement to your life.